I'd like to share a recent incident at home. My grandmother has shown signs of early-onset dementia. Her memory is deteriorating and she has become too forgetful to go out alone recently. She is afraid of getting lost on her way home. My grandfather has a problem with his lower back and is unable to accompany her very far. Therefore, she has to be taken care of by others.
My grandmother is extremely shy and socially awkward. Over the past two decades, she has had very few friends and has an extremely low sense of security and trust towards the outside world. As she gets older, the situation has become even more severe - she no longer attends family gatherings, and even my sister's wedding was not attended. Over time, it has become difficult for her to find something to talk about when spending time with her family. Moreover, both she and her husband are very thrifty, and I have always been worried that she won't be able to accept having outsiders stay at home.
I told my mother my concerns. She reassured me not to worry. The hired nanny was introduced by her friend. It was said that her friend's father had a rather strange temper and had fired six or seven nannies before. Only this nanny could take on this job and took care of the elderly for several years until they passed away. Hearing my mother say this, I felt a little more at ease. I thought this nanny must be very good at getting along with the elderly.
A few days ago, my aunt told me that that lady made fun of my grandmother and me by saying that we were too thrifty and boring. They didn't even turn on the lights on the lower floors, didn't watch TV, and didn't go out for a walk. My grandmother even complained that she was "too talkative". I began to worry that the lady might not stay long. A few days later, I asked my mother, "Can't we still not turn on the TV or the lights now?" My mother said, "Grandpa and Grandma couldn't resist her, so they followed her wishes and turned them on." The lady told them, "If you don't turn on the TV for me, I won't be able to work here anymore."
I was a bit surprised. I thought she was good at getting along with the elderly by knowing how to make them happy and maintaining harmony. But I didn't expect her to be so down-to-earth. Even my mom said, "That's great. This aunt can fight for herself."
The aunt can express her emotions and needs at the employer's home. That's really amazing.
Even my aunt, who learned a little bit of psychology, applied it flexibly and said, "What they call 'expressing emotions' is not 'emotional expression' at all."
She will directly express her needs! Instead of coming to us to complain or ask for help, once she gets going, she will start to deal with the troubles in the new environment.
What I once thought was a good and harmonious scene was one of gentle politeness and peaceful coexistence. But now I think this slightly contentious atmosphere is actually more suitable for the generation of my grandparents. For them, it is more natural and familiar.
Perhaps in the future, they will become those "joyful enemies" who constantly argue with each other every day but still remain by each other's side. They will be even more vivid and realistic.
How to describe it? It's probably something like the feeling of "My Wild Girlfriend" haha??
In fact, this authenticity of hers actually brought them closer. Her state was able to dispel the elderly person's suspicion and hesitation towards a new relationship.
"If you don't turn on the TV for me, I won't stay here anymore," this sentence sounds like what a parent would say when scolding a child, "If you don't behave, then you're not allowed to stay."
Recalling that online joke: "Ordinary Friends vs. True Friends"
Ordinary Friends: Polite and harmonious
True Friends: Joking and teasing
The formation of close relationships between people does not involve pleasing others, making oneself conform to others, or pretending to be someone else. Instead, it is about being oneself openly and honestly. The truth lies in the trust one has in one's own feelings and in the trust in the relationship.
Finally! I hope this aunt can keep going. Haha 😅 (I'm still not completely at ease with her, as her heart has been sealed away for too many years.)
